My Facebook page is no fun at all.
The reason, of course, is that everybody sees it. Including, but certainly not limited to, my husband, my mother, my boss, pretty much all of my neighbors, and ten or twenty members of my Synagogue.
As a result, I can't post anything truly funny. I can't post how much my husband pisses me off and why, or about a miserable day at my job, or pretty much anything to do with my kid other than praise (and who the hell wants to read a parent's posts bragging about their kid? Sorry, that's just not good reading. It's a waste of space). And I definitely can't post about my mom, which is too bad because my mom is an extremely interesting woman who is slowly going bonkers. Or maybe she's fine and she's just driving me bonkers. It's hard to tell.
So I have to keep this blog anonymous, for the most part, except for my very dear friend Kathleen, who is a very talented writer and is the only person who's reading this who actually knows me, so you know who you are. Because I'm never going to write anything interesting about her, which is fine, because she's such an interesting person in real life that writing about her would never do her justice. Another person I'll probably never write about is my dad, but that's mostly because he's about the sanest person I know. He's a great guy and very interesting in person, but he never does anything weird or loony; in other words, anything worth writing about.
But my mom is a whole other story. She's not going to see this blog, because if she did she would read it every single day, and if I don't post one day she will call me at exactly 7:15 PM, which is when we sit down to dinner, to ask me if I'm okay. And if I do post, she'll call me to talk about what I wrote.
See my mom is a retired professional. And there is nothing worse than having a retired professional for a mother. All of the energy she used to put into her clients and her business, she now has to find other outlets for. She spends her days doing Productive Things like gardening and working out, and when she's ready to sit still, she reads blogs. My mom loves to read blogs. Mostly she likes financial blogs, blogs about early retirement and frugality and real estate investing and stuff like that. Stuff that she thinks I should be reading, because I'm young (snerk) and can still benefit from all this knowledge out there.
I guess I can't blame her. She was so frugal and sensible when her life was in chaos. She did everything right, including setting a very firm expectation that they were not going to spend their retirement supporting their adult children. Apparently she and my dad ended up setting aside enough money, because the day they retired they suddenly found themselves quite wealthy and living in a really glorious spot, and all their kids live far away. So now they suddenly have all this money and all this time, and I think they're a little frustrated because they're passing 70 and they wish they had been living like this their whole lives instead of putting it off until they were eligible for AARP.
Once, when I was visiting, my mom asked me what blogs I like. I had to lie and tell her that I don't really read a lot of blogs. In a way, I guess I was telling the truth. I do love to read some blogs that are just writing, but most of my absolute favorites are blogs about funny stuff. Cake Wrecks, for example. I absolutely adore Cake Wrecks and look at it every day. I also like all those silly Fail Blogs. The quicker I can get the funny, the better. One blog I just discovered is this one, Sugar and Spice, My Ass. You can't make this stuff up, but you also can't post it on the internet if you think your mother might be watching.